This Week’s Topic:
Can We Just Let People Like Things?
When I saw this status on Goodreads from Cait, it really resonated with me, because I agree with this statement to the Nth degree.
Here I am "all the stars", "this book was the best", "I feel so happy from reading this book", and someone comes along telling me how much they didn't like it, and makes a list of things that they hated about the book. Hey! Whomp, whomp, whomp. Thanks for tainting that for me.
I visit many blogs, when I see them featuring a book that I love. And, yes, it saddens me, when they hated it, but that's their forum to talk about their experience. I might say, that I am sorry it was not a good experience for them, but I understand that they have their opinions and I have mine, and this was their place to express their feelings. I won't try to convert them to my way of thinking.
Am I saying you have to hate every book that I hate? Or love every book I love? Absolutely not. That's unrealistic. There are many times, I read a positive review, which I don't agree with. I honestly often leave without commenting, because I am not going to try and convince the reader, that they shouldn't like it, just because I had problems with it.
Rather, I am going to be happy they connected with a book, because I am always happy to see people gushing about a story and giving out high star ratings. It brings me joy to see others find something that gave them a bit of happiness and brightened their day, even if just for a short time. I respect that in their personal space, they chose to cheer about something, and I will let them have their moment.
I will admit, it makes me sad, when this happens to me, and I used to feel like I was the only person, who felt this way. Seeing Cait's status made me feel less alone about that, and well, I appreciated it.
Now it's your turn!
Does it make you a little sad, when people express their distaste for your beloved featured book?
Let us know in the comments!
Let us know in the comments!
Oh boy, preach, preach, preach! This drives me crazy! Some people seem to take the stance of: "I hated that book so how dare you like it!" And then feel the led to convince you where you went wrong and what you obviously must have missed. Gah! Sometimes people loved a book that I didn't. And I have no problem saying that it didn't work for me. But no way am I going to challenge their opinion! Somewhere along the differing opinions became a bad thing. Sigh...
ReplyDeleteThose are the sort of comments that really get to me. A, "hey it didn't work for me, but great for you," is my stance, if I really feel the need to comment, but I have seen some people go on and on about why the book was not worthy of my praise. It's an opinion. You don't have to agree with it, but I guess I feel like I respect their space to express how they feel, even if I don't agree.
DeleteI think it depends on how it is done. If someone comments that a book was a miss for them but they are glad I enjoyed it, I appreciate those comments and can usually see what might have bothered someone in the book. I do leave those kind of comments. I don't like it when someone leaves a comment letting me know that I read the book wrong. I go into every book not only hoping but expecting to enjoy reading it. Otherwise, why bother? I think that most readers do the same and I am truly happy when someone loves a book that didn't work for me.
ReplyDeleteI also have said something like that, but I have seen some harsh things thrown on my status and/or post, and it really made me feel like I shouldn't be allowed to like what I like. I see people gushing about some authors, who I have had zero success with, but I am always happy to see someone pick a book and get some enjoyment in it.
DeleteIt makes me a little sad when people hate on my favorites, but I get over it quickly because it’s a book. People are allowed to dislike books. I dislike a lot of them. I don’t mind if someone disagrees with my review, if they disagree nicely. I think people get way too worked up about fandoms sometimes. That’s annoying. You can disagree with somebody without causing a scene. If I disagree with someone’s opinion on a book, I usually don’t comment.
ReplyDeleteAj @ Read All The Things!
I think it's a delicate balance, and each situation can be different. I really don't feel the need to be a black cloud on someone's "best of" list or their fangirl moment. However, if the person asks what I thought of a certain book, I would be more likely to offer my opposing opinion. Whereas, if I agree with the person, I will not even hesitate to put in my two cents.
DeleteSo true! I feel this way so much! There are so many things I love that people have to put down, and I hate that! If you don't like it, go talk about what you do like instead. Or just don't tell me I'm wrong, because the way I feel about something is the way I feel no matter what. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI like that. My many, many, MANY years of therapy have always been about trying to look at the positive things, and I do try to find the positive, even if it's just that the reader loved the book.
DeleteGreat post!! I think the key is in kindness.
ReplyDeleteKindness and sometimes the old adage is right - if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.
DeleteIm impressed by how many 5-star reads you have, Sam! But yes, I agree. Let people enjoy the things they like! People seem to enjoy hating things just cause (like SJM).
ReplyDeleteI am rather good at picking books I like, but I do DNF quite a bit. I just don't feel the need to talk about the bad stuff, when I can use my time and energy to lavish love on books that made me happy. OMG, yes! SJM is like a punching bag in some circles, and when the mobs are in full effect, beware.
DeleteThere has been several times that I love a book and find out that a lot of people don't really care for it. But there has been times that I don't enjoy a book that most people love. Everyone has different tastes and I can't fault people for their opinions. I just set aside a book that I was really excited to get my hands on, only to not be able to get into it but it seems that most have enjoyed it Sigh...
ReplyDeleteI have read plenty of books I loved and other did not, but this is a case of feeling the need to write on someone's status/post about how you hated that thing they loved. I think everyone is entitled to not liking something, but you don't necessarily have to rain on someone's parade. You can just read the status/post and go on your merry way.
DeleteWell I am one of these persons who loves seeing someone disliking a book I loved provided that theyr are having strong arguments. I find fascinating that someone can dislike something I liked and vice versa. It just shows how reading is a personal experience. The only think I can't stand are the haters and the bashers! It has to be respectful.
ReplyDeleteI think if you invite the conversation, that's one thing, but this is just people, who constantly feel the need to squash another person's happy moment, and unfortunately, I see more haters and bashers, then people open to a discussion. That's just not how things seem to go down these days.
DeleteYes, yes, yes, yes, yes! We all have different tastes and different experiences that will color how we view a book. If I see someone posting that they didn't like one of my favorites, I just move on. If I see someone posting that they loved a book that didn't work for me, I just move on. I know what I like and what works for me, they know what they like and what works for them. Nothing bothers me more than someone feeling like they have to step in and tell someone why they are wrong for having a different opinion... except maybe for someone telling me I shouldn't read something I am interested in.
ReplyDeleteI have read a few reviews this week, that were not favorable for books I gave 5-stars to. I sometimes will give the sorry it didn't work for you, I loved it, but often, I will just not comment. The other way around is what bothers me more. Where I am riding some high, because this book put me on cloud nine, and someone is then bashing it on my post. That's harsh, and I guess maybe it's a generational thing, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that.
DeleteOh, my, why do people have to be like this? Why is there such a need to be so disagreeable? If I see that someone loves a book that I didn't like, the most I would say is that it didn't work for me, but I'm glad they enjoyed it. I might not even go that far! I'd probably just say I was happy for them. There's really no good reason for telling someone you hated something they enjoyed and listing your reasons - you're not going to change their mind! Some people just like to be contrary.
ReplyDeleteI am open to a discussion, when it's invited, but I feel like I need to let someone bask in their happy. I think the more passionate someone is about something, the more likely they are to challenge/say something, and there are people, who detest certain books that much.
DeleteIf I'm commenting on another blog and the blogger is talking about loving a book, I might comment that I didn't like the book personally or say what put me off but I'll also say 'but I'm glad you enjoyed it' or something like that too. I never slag them off for their opinion or try to argue to change their mind. That's rude and disrespectful. I want my friends to love what they read even if I have a different opinion. I'm ok with people commenting on my review that they didn't like that book I enjoyed or couldn't get into but I draw the line at those 'how can you say you loved that trash' kind of comment! There is no right or wrong opinion of a book, only opinion!
ReplyDeleteI think it's perfectly acceptable to say it was wasn't for you, but still be happy they enjoyed it, and I think that's my point. However, there are people, who go that extra mile to almost make you feel bad about liking something. When I have had such interactions, I did't feel mad, I felt sad, and I didn't want to feel sad as I shared something I really enjoyed with others. You're right, there is no wrong of right opinion, just what we feel personally.
DeleteUh, I'm scared I may have this before. *hides* I really like to discuss why my opinion differs from someone else's so at the end of posts I've asked people to reply with their thoughts, even if it's the opposite of mine. I think as long as the convo is respectful it's all good, and makes commenting back and possibly chatting interesting. At the same time, I mostly (only?) ask questions like this on list posts, recommendations and tags, not on reviews, and I myself wouldn't want to comment "I hated this for this or that reason" on anyone's review. I've said "sadly that didn't work for me, but I'm glad you enjoyed it" on non-review posts, but this discussion is making me reconsider that too. Just because I like people - especially bloggers I follow/know - sending a comment with their opinion even if it's not the same as mine, others may not appreciate that. I have to be more careful not to rain on others' parade. Great discussion, Sam!
ReplyDeleteI am all for giving my two cents, when my opinion is invited, and a list post is a great place to invite that sort of conversation, but to rail on someone's review post is a bit harsh to me. A mention that it was not for you seems fair, but to list reasons 1 to 500 is really a buzzkill. I would say, that the majority of my visitors fall into the "not for me, glad you liked it" group, but there have been a few, more often on GR, who blasphemed the book after seeing how much I loved it.
DeleteOh yes! I try to stay positive on here too. I don't when others tear each other down because they disagree
ReplyDeleteEven if they are not necessarily tearing me down, listing 20 reasons why I should hate a book I loved makes me feel bad and sad and all sorts of other negative things.
DeleteOh I really agree about not stomping on other readers’ parade. I actually don’t mind when someone respectfully says they enjoyed it more or even less, especially when they include clues why. I love thinking back and wondering how I felt about that element. But no need to be harsh or super critical.♥️
ReplyDeleteI can actually do without the "clues", when we are talking about a book that just made my heart explode. If I asked for/invited the criticism, ok, but a "it didn't work for me" seems like enough, when we are dealing with two very different opinions about the same thing. It's a matter of feeling out the situation, but as far as harsh or super critical commentary goes, that is never needed in someone else's space, especially if they don't tend to go that way.
DeleteI can see why it would be a drag to be on a reading high after a book only to have someone come along and attempt to trounce on it. I use the word 'attempt' because I control if I let their opinion ruin the mood.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to loving, hating, liking, and having mixed thoughts on books when it comes to commenting on book reviews or book posts, I honestly don't mind if someone tells me they had a different experience and I do enjoy reading why. I think if they tried to change my opinion to their own that there would be the problem. If I'm reading someone else's post, I might just say glad you had a good time with that one or say that I had a different experience if they hated it and I loved it.
But, bottom line, I agree with the spirit of your quote about letting others be happy by being kind and considerate of others.
Great discussion topic, Sam!
I agree, that we have the choice to allow their words to have power over us, but I just don't like the negativity invading a positive space. I guess maybe it can be in the delivery, but I feel like there is a time and a place for everything, and when someone is that happy, I couldn't squash it.
DeleteIt should go without saying that people have a right to like whatever they like in peace, but alas, there are other people who live to ruin your happiness. I sometimes happen to read a bad review of a book I liked, and I think what saddens me the most is that so many people thrive on being sarcastic and destroying things for others. On the other hand, sometimes you feel like, when bashing a book you liked, those people are passing judgement on you as a person - but it's a short-lived feeling. As for giving my two cents, I always try to do it respectfully and only when invited, and I don't mind if others do the same.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Why do they seem to get so much happiness, by destroying someone else's? That baffles me. Unless you are my sworn enemy and "you killed my father", I cannot see wanting to do that to someone. I think it does make me feel like they are judging me a bit, especially when they say things like, "how could anyone with any taste like this book?".
DeleteLike most people who have replied, I think the most I would ever say is that a book didn't work for me. I'm usually bummed that a book didn't work for me if a trusted blogger loved it. Like maybe I missed something the first time around and should give it another go.
ReplyDeleteI have definitely been in your position, where I wonder what I missed, but we are all individuals with different experiences that shape our tastes. I know timing is huge with me too. Did I read the book after finishing the most amazing book ever? Or am I in one of my dark moods? Though, I would much rather be on the party train with them, loving the book, than by myself being disappointed.
DeleteI have definitely commented before with something along the lines of, "Oh this book didn't really work for me, but I'm glad you loved it!" But I'd never sit and try to convince someone that they're "wrong" about their opinion. Reviews are always subjective!
ReplyDeleteNicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction
Me too, but some people just go too far, and I think it has a lot to do with how much attention we give to negativity. It's rewarded with retweets and likes, but I try to stay away from that. And, yes, it's an opinion, it's subjective, and I respect other people's opinions, even if I don't agree with them.
DeleteI mean, I am all for disagreement- I have seen people hate stuff I loved and vice versa, and it doesn't bother me as long as it's respectful. Like I am never mad or upset at a "so glad you loved it but it just wasn't for me", but if someone is straight up telling me why I shouldn't like something, then yeah that is NOT okay. I think it also depends on how something is presented. For example: a blog post with comments, especially if there's more than one review, I can understand someone commenting that. A tweet saying "OMG I LOVE XYZ" should just... be left alone. If that made any sense 😂
ReplyDeleteAnd, I think that is more the scenario that is being discussed. Since the statement was made on GR, I would think it was someone declaring their love for a book. Why the need to ruin that joy for them? Why do people feel the need to hurl their distaste for the book there, on that person's love post? I think, that's where I have the problem. There are instances, where discussion is invited, and other times, when it's best to leave it alone. However, there are always *those* people, who feel what they think is what everyone else should think.
DeleteIt doesn't bother me at all to agree to disagree over a book and I don't mind discussing it on my blog. I always look at it as a place to discuss books - not just give my opinion. I don't consider it as trying to change my opinion or criticizing me personally but I think there's a way to do that.
ReplyDeleteSaying what worked or didn't work is ok (to me) but I wouldn't judge or criticize another reader for feeling differently or what they read.
And I would only comment on friends that I know like to discuss such things - not a random stranger.
Karen @ For What It's worth
Is it really a discussion if someone lists all the reasons why you should not like something? I know there are reviewers, who invite opinions on the book, but I have to say, I have had some comments about books I liked, which were almost as ranty as the person's review, and it definitely made me sort of sad to see that on my own positive review.
DeleteI don't think people should be posting what amounts to their own reviews on someone else's review. That goes too far.
DeleteI think it's fair to say what you did or didn't like in response (as a comment) to to a review but to try to convince the reviewer on their own blog of your view in either direction - as if they're wrong is a nope.
I think there's a line where you can have differing opinions and it's ok to share that and telling people they're wrong to enjoy (or not) a book or pick they're review apart to make your own point. Especially in their space.
Some people just come across that way even if it's not their intention. I actually saw a review today, where the blogger explicitly asked for people with differing opinions to share, and she had a very explicit reason as to why she was asking. I feel like I see that more for negative reviews rather than positive ones.
DeleteI actually stopped commenting on things when I didn't like the book or comment only about the good parts to the book because we don't need to spread negativity! Sometimes I just say 'it wasn't one for me but I am glad you liked it!'. Because it shares my opinion but doesn't bring down anyones fun. On my own platforms though, I am very honest :P
ReplyDeleteAmen! There is so much negativity out there, I try not to contribute to that. If I have an opposing opinion, I usually keep it short and sweet. I have had the blogger reply, asking why, and then I feel free to share more, but I am not going to full on rant without the invitation.
DeleteThis! A million times this! I'm sure I'm not perfect when I see people hating on something I loved (or vice versa) but I try to just let people be. Everyone is different and I hate it when people try to make everyone see things their way - often with an 'or else'. What happened to live and let live?
ReplyDeleteIt's more about tearing down something someone enjoyed for me. It's like, some people cannot bear to see other be happy.
DeleteYES! I'm so tired of seeing people hate on things. I get it, I really do. It's frustrating to read a book or watch and film and dislike it. But there's so much negativity in the world, do we all really need to add to it by commenting about how much we hated something if another person enjoyed it?! I've been making more of an effort to avoid being negative on my blog, social media, and in everyday life. I fully agree with the "let people enjoy things" movement. After all, if you don't have anything nice to say... <3
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it. I feel like I am drowning in negativity and people constantly telling me what I am supposed to think/like/support/believe. This is me liking something, and it's a book, why can't we just let me have this? I spent like 30 years in and out of therapy, and one strategy was to eliminate negativity when I could. Like you, I elect to keep things as positive as I can on the blog.
DeleteYou have made me the number of times that I have hated a book that everyone else loved and I have spoken out on it and wonder if I stomped on their excitement. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI think it entirely depends on the way the discussion goes. More often than not, it has been pleasant.
Gayathri @ Elgee Writes
I feel like if you didn't like a book, and you did a post about it, that's your forum, but like heaping hate on a book, on someone else's post seems a bit of a buzz kill. I think it also depends upon how you do it. I have honestly only had one or two instances, where someone with a dissenting opinion about a book I loved commented in such a way, that it almost insulted me. Most of the people I have interacted with used tact, so, I am sure you did too.
Delete