#AmReading YA

The Survival List
Courtney Sheinmel
Age/Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary
Publisher: Katherine Tegen Books
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
Goodreads

The only thing connecting Sloane to her older sister Talley is a list–random places, unfamiliar names, a phone number that she doesn’t recognize.

Ever since Talley died, Sloane has been completely fixated on it: maybe understanding how the items on list connect is the key to understanding why Talley took her own life. Except the clues on the list seem to be pointing her to California, and Talley had never even been there, right?

Turns out the list of things Sloane didn’t know about her sister is much longer than she realized.

She heads out west in search of Adam, the owner of the mysterious phone number, who claims he’d never met Talley. Even though Adam is clearly hiding something, Sloane can’t deny that she’s drawn to him. Can unraveling the cryptic non-sequiturs Talley left behind – and putting her trust in a stranger – heal the hole her sister’s death has left in Sloane’s life?

From author Courtney Sheinmel comes an engaging and heartfelt novel about the bonds of sisterhood, the imprecision of memory, and the incomparable value of finding something to live for.

Sloane never thought the day she went to school, instead of skipping, would be the last time she would see her sister. She knew Talley was struggling with depression, but never realize how dire things actually were. Now, Sloane was left with many questions and a list of seemingly random things, which she hoped would lead to some answers. She never realized this list would help her learn more about her sister, her aunt, her mother, and herself.

Sheinmel never fails to hit me in the feels, and she had me shedding quite a few tears as I read this book. I think suicide is such a difficult topic, but I though Sheinmel did a beautiful job in presenting how it affected the ones, who were left behind.

I enjoyed many things in this book, and here are my top five:

1. Sisterly Bonds - Not only did I get to explore the relationship between Talley and Sloane, but I also got to enjoy the sisterly friendship between Sloane and her best friend, Juno. Both relationships were very special, and I was happy to witness so many lovely moments between them. 
2. Grief and Guilt - Does anyone, who loses a loved one to suicide NOT feel some degree of guilt? Sloane's guilt regarding her actions prior to her sister's death and the disappointment in herself in not recognizing the cry for help was heartbreaking. Sheinmel did a fantastic job getting me into Sloane's headspace, and I felt like I was experiencing her emotional turmoil right alongside her.  
3. A List and a Puzzle - The list seemed so random, and I enjoyed being with Sloane as she slowly figured out the significance of each entry, which would bring her closer and closer to learning more about her sister's final months. There were some wrong turns and some red herrings, which really had me wondering about Tally, but eventually, we got the whole story, and it was sad, but satisfying. 
4. Adam, a Lovely Soft Boy - Adam initially seemed so random, but I still liked him right away. There was something wonderful about him, and I was happy he was there to help Sloane figure out the entries on the list. I was really surprised by how Adam figured into the big picture, and I thought Sheinmel wove that whole part into the plot quite well. 
5. Healing and Forgiveness - This story was filled with many people, who were riddled with grief and guilt, but the author allowed for lots of forgiveness, and had the characters actively working through their pain and towards a bit of healing. I was especially pleased with many of the developments between Sloane and her family, as well as between Adam and his. 

Overall:

I found this to be a rather thoughtful look at how those, who are left behind, pick up the pieces following the suicide of a loved one. The pain, the grief, the self-blaming was so heartbreaking, and therefore, I was grateful that Sloane had this last challenge from her sister, which allowed her to uncover some family secrets, mend some broken bridges, make some new connections, and begin to heal.

Michigan vs. the Boys
Carrie S. Allen
Age/Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary
Publisher: Kids Can Press
Rating: 5 out of 5 stars
Goodreads

When a determined girl is confronted with the culture of toxic masculinity, it's time to even the score.

Michigan Manning lives for hockey, and this is her year to shine. That is, until she gets some crushing news: budget cuts will keep the girls' hockey team off the ice this year.

If she wants colleges to notice her, Michigan has to find a way to play. Luckily, there's still one team left in town ...

The boys' team isn't exactly welcoming, but Michigan's prepared to prove herself. She plays some of the best hockey of her life, in fact, all while putting up with changing in the broom closet, constant trash talk and "harmless" pranks that always seem to target her.

But once hazing crosses the line into assault, Michigan must weigh the consequences of speaking up - even if it means putting her future on the line.

Michigan was so excited for this season. She was finally going to be leading her hockey team along side her best friend, Brie, but her dreams were crushed, when the girls' team was disbanded due to budget cuts. As each of her teammates explored new opportunities, Michigan was not ready to give up her hockey dreams. After a successful try-out, she was awarded a spot on the boys' team, but it seemed this group of young men weren't willing to share the ice with a strong female player. They planned to torment Michigan until she quit the team, but that was one plan she would not be going along with.

I think my love of sports books is well-known. These books never fail to get my adrenaline pumping and my spirit soaring, but this story made all that happen for very different reasons. There was the euphoria I felt as this young woman boldly attempted to go where she was at a disadvantage, the pride I felt as I watched her succeed, and then there was the fury I experienced seeing her "teammates" harass, abuse, debase, and assault her. Let's just say, I experienced a lot of emotions as I read Michigan's story, but I was so engrossed and involved and regret not one second of it.

I was a Michigan fan from the very beginning. Here was this young woman, who just wanted to play the sport she loved. She was willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears, and seeing all her accomplishments on the ice just filled my heart with joy. I didn't only experience her highs, though. Allen did a magnificent job depicting her isolation, inner struggle, and self-doubt as well.

The hardest parts were when her own team waged a war against her. My heart ached as I watched her tormented by the so-called leaders of her team. They started small, but it escalated quickly. And, yes, I was yelling things like, "Your dad is a cop!", and "Tell SOMEONE!", but Michigan was determined to stick it out. The way she reasoned with herself as to why she shouldn't tell followed that oh, so familiar teen logic. I may not have agreed with her, but I sort of understood her reasoning, to some extent, and I felt it was realistic.

Michigan was sort of lucky though, because even when things looked really bad, she had some fantastic people on her side. The girls' team may have drifted a bit, but when push came to shove, they were there for her. The support her former teammates gave her was wonderful, and women supporting women will always score big points in my book.

I also was really grateful, that Allen included some positive male characters. First and Foremost, there was Jack, the star of the swim team, who encouraged Michigan to take that chance and try out for the boys' team. He was that wonderful unicorn kind of boy I cannot resist, and I simply adored him. I also had much love for Michigan's younger brother, Trenton. He was simply an amazing source of inspiration and strength for his sister. There were all these little things he did throughout the story, which summed up to a heck of a lot of support for her, especially when her belief in herself seemed to be waning. Michigan's also shared a lovely relationship with her dad, and it was fantastic to see a grown man displaying the sorts of emotions he did with his daughter.

Not to worry, though, because this story ended on a high note for me, which made up for all my pain and anguish throughout this story.

Though I am sad, that in 2019, stories like this are still relevant, I was appreciative of the way Allen told this tale and handled the issues.

Overall:

A wonderfully told story of one girl's battle with the toxic norms and double standards plaguing society, as she fought to attain her dream.

**ARCs received in exchange for honest reviews.

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